Consent starts with you: understanding your boundaries

At the end of the article you’ll find a journaling exercise to help you understand and voice your (sexual) boundaries.

Setting boundaries is essential in many areas of life, but knowing & being able to voice your boundaries is especially important for your sexual health and your understanding of consent. It’s important to think about personal boundaries now so that if you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation, you can feel confident expressing your feelings and making your desires clear. Understanding your boundaries is the first step to giving proper consent and respecting your body. 

To understand your boundaries, listen to your body and your intuition. If a sexual position or act feels uncomfortable, don’t force it. This begins with the way you touch your own body and/or how you practice with your yoni egg. If something feels uncomfortable, gently move out of the position and consider why you don’t enjoy it. Ask yourself “Why does this bother me?” or “What about this seems off?”. This can help clarify your limits and give you the confidence to say no if someone tries to cross your boundaries.  

For sex to be consensual, both partners must feel they have the power to say no, leave, or voice concerns. Unfortunately, many people don’t understand the definition of consent or feel awkward discussing it with their partners. That’s why it’s important to know your boundaries and stand up for yourself so you can prepare for any uncomfortable situations that might come up. 

You are the only person who can decide your boundaries, but some common situations to consider are a partner entering your yoni before you feel ready, being penetrated when you don’t want to be, or your requests or comments being ignored during intimacy. It’s possible to disregard your own boundaries as well, like shoving a tampon in without awareness, inserting a tampon when it hurts, or not listening to your yoni/body

Journaling exercise: define my boundaries

Think of a negative sexual experience. Describe the experience & write it down.
Why was this experience negative for you?
What boundaries were crossed?
Did you realise in the moment that your boundaries were being crossed?
In what way did you not feel safe?
In what way were you not able to voice your boundaries?

Write down the boundaries you want to set & read them aloud. Set those boundaries now by speaking up.

Think of a positive sexual experience. Describe the experience & write it down.
Why was this experience positive for you?
How did you feel safe?
How did the other person respect your boundaries?
Were you able to voice your boundaries?
How did you voice your boundaries?